Sex Stereotypes
Anyone who’s read Dean’s World often enough knows that I am utterly convinced that the male and female brains are wired differently. Sorry feminists, but I just do think that! We may be more alike than we are different, but ultimately those differences are non-trivial. Yet I also agree that sometimes people harp on these differences far too much, or worse, make the mistake of thinking that people have to be channeled by force into those differences. For if those differences are real enough, that doesn’t mean we all conform to them, or that we all should conform to them. Indeed, wouldn’t this be a horribly boring world if we all conformed to what was expected of us?
So in tribute to Sheila’s old thread, let me present five areas where I conform to sex stereotypes–and five areas where I don’t conform at all.
Where I conform to sex stereotypes
1) The remote control: God made it for me. Truly, you are not able to understand the intricate workings of this marvelous device, you female person. Just give it to me, and I will make it work the way it is supposed to.
2) Every moment spent shopping is a moment that could be spent on something far more interesting.
3) Blowing shit up is cool. Boom! Hehehe. BOOM! Heheheheheh.
4) Boobies. I love the boobies. Boobs! Boobs. (Boobs!)
5) There are only, so far as I can determine, about a half-dozen or so colors: black, white, blue, red, yellow, green, orange, purple, and brown. I have no idea what any of the others might be. Nor do I care.
Where I deviate from sex stereotypes
1) Cars may be pretty, but fixing them is boring.
2) Football, baseball, basketball, hockey… there must be some reason you people are fascinated by these passtimes, but for the life of me I can’t figure out what it is.
3) I know how to knit, and I think it’s pretty cool.
4) I snuffled a bit when I watched Waiting To Exhale.
5) I like to dance. A lot. I’m good at it, too.
So. There must be other deviants in Dean’s World. Where do you conform and where do you deviate?
{ 30 comments }
Conform: I love fart jokes
Deviate: I hate sports
Conform:
Deviate:
Deviate: Sports. Really don’t care. Politics is my favorite blood sport.
Hmmm… could you expand a bit more on the boobs for me?
Conform:
To me the house is clean, to the wife it’s the aftermath of a hurricane.
Yes I was planning to leave the house dressed this way.
My thinking can be categorized by an anthropologist into the following catagories:
1. food – not food.
2. sex – not sex.
3. fun – not fun.
4. responsible for – not responsible for
Deviate:
Love cats, tropical fish and dogs. Plus in a pinch, they double as an extra food supply!
Enjoy musicals. Would kill (support 2nd amendment) to dance like Gene Kelly or Fred Astaire. Think All That Jazz best musical since Singing in the Rain.
Agree with the above re sports and politics. Politics is indeed the ultimate blood sport.
Conform:
Guns, as objects, fascinate me, whereas my wee wifey views them simply as tools.
Cannot dance my way out of a wet paper bag.
Deviate:
Can tell Federal Blue from Robin’s Egg Blue.
Another scratch cook, but at least I use a lot of hot sauce.
Conform: Fantasy football R me. Boobs. Love riding the lawnmower. Hunting/fishing.
Deviate: Love getting flowers. Cooking is FUN. Love my kitties.
I embody maleness by:
1) I have gone through a succession of typical male fantasies: Sports hero, rock star, war/armageddon hero, and I bought the equipment I needed to fulfill the second two (lots of guitars, recording equipment, and bunches of rifles)
2) I tease my kids whenever possible
3) I love football, particularly the Kansas City Chiefs
4) I love war movies and karate movies and westerns
5) Boobies. Yep. The female body in general holds a fascination akin to a cat mesmerized by a fluttering insect or a wiggling string
6) I don’t usually have a hankerin’ to fix something automotive or around the house, but when I do, I’m good at it and I enjoy it immensely
7) Shopping sucks
8) Shopping for guns, ammo, guitars, or karate movies doesn’t suck
9) Computer war games are nearly as cool as “Avalon Hill”-style strategy simulation board games
10) I am the source of both discipline and good financial judgment in our family
I do not embody maleness because I:
1) Cried during Beaches and Joy Luck Club
2) Don’t take my identity from my work
3) Have fairly good fashion instincts (I’ve surprised my wife several times by the reasoning behind which I helped her choose clothing…she has disagreed with me but been forced to admit I was correct)
4) Remote control? Who cares. I only turn on the TV to watch something specific, anyway
5) I like talking about my feelings, and listening to women talk about their feelings
Sickos, the lot of you. Especially the getting flowers and waiting to exhale bits.
Conform:
Boobies
Reading about politics/history (ok, Rosemary and some others may be the exception, but how many women overall make it a point to voraciously consume history/current events in the more stale arenas?)
Video Games
Non-conform:
Hate watching sports
I’ve seen Les Miserable and Phantom of the Opera like 7 times
Like cats
Think George W Bush is dreeeeaaaaammyy*
* That was a joke. sort of.
Conform: TV remote ownership, insisting on being
the driver (control issues), watching baseball
and football, “getting dinner” is figuring out
whether we want fast food, pizza, or instant
noodles. If I’m feeling adventurous, I may
actually open a can and put its contents on top
of rice. Like to hike and backpack.
Deviate: Know numerous colors, actually have some
elements of fashion sense in women’s clothing,
can stand most “chick flix” (although
movies with boobs and bombs are preferred), try
to coordinate furniture and other household
miscellany to conform to a general “style”.
Hey Big Dean! Do a little kid a favor. I followed your advice and that of a gazillion others. Now I have to get the word out and you’re the one who can help.
I bought a new house! Come and see me: http://www.lashawnbarber.com
Conform:
Football &Baseball.
Refer to Football as Soccer.
Boobies.
Video Games.
Burp &Fart with regularity.
Deviate:
I’m a Gentleman.
I Love Soccer(the game known to the rest of the world as Football).
Believe strongly that toilets were made for sitting on and not target practice.
Conform: remote, football, fishing, beer, boobs, cooking (you’ll note all the really good chefs are men…cooking is man’s work, when properly done).
Deviate: hate cars, dislike bikini’s (if you’re going to degenerate to a half-naked savage, then go all the way and paint yourself blue, already) and I can decorate better than Christopher Lowell,
Is a woman allowed to comment on this one? Unless I’m missing something, it looks like I’m the first.
Conform:
- I cry at sappy movies
- I love to talk about my FEEEEELINGS
- I love to cook complicated meals and expect compliments about them
- I worry if this dress makes my butt look big
- Seeing a baby makes me switch immediately into babytalk, pick-it-up-and-cuddle-it mode.
Deviate:
- Maybe this is TMI, but I’m insatiable in the bedroom – every day and twice on Sundays would be fine with me. :-)
- I’m a DIY expert – the toolbox is mine, not his
- I’m a slob and leave my crap everywhere, while hubby is a neat freak who picks up after me
- I’m a rabid football fan – diehard, life-long Chicago Bears fanatic (which means things can get ugly, since hubby is a life-long, diehard Detroit Lions fan).
These are so much fun to read.
I stand by my orignal thread but I’ll repeat them here:
Conform:
1. I am emotionally invested in my lipstick choices. Very very very important.
2. I have an intense sexual crush on Ewan McGregor.
3. I obsess about my weight
4. I love to hold little babies, my stomach melts at the sight of their fat elbows and ankles…
5. I cry at the end of Officer and a Gentleman – and sometimes I pop the movie in JUST SO THAT I CAN have a good cry.
Don’t conform:
1. What are window treatments and why should I give a f***?
2. I hate shopping as a recreational activity. I am very goal-oriented – get in, get the hell OUT.
3. Being wined and dined is not a necessary component to romance. I don’t expect (or demand) flowers, etc. In fact, all that stuff makes me nervous.
4. I cannot multitask. I can only do one thing at a time.
5. I think Joan Jett is hot.
I could add a couple more to the “don’t conform” list:
6. DO NOT try to strike up some emotional deep conversation with me during a Red Sox game. That would be rude and idiotic. WAIT TIL AFTER THE GAME.
7. To copy Aimee – or, I would like to say that I am just inspired by her TMI moment to share onoe of my own: So far in my life, I have always wanted and needed more sex than the man. I read Redbook articles which all seem to be about wives complaining about how their husbands want more sex than they do … and I think: Damn. My favorite ex-boyfriend would say to me, “Jesus, don’t you EVER sleep??” heh
Oh, and I also am highly suspicious of ANYONE who doesn’t find bathroom humor and fart jokes comedic.
Conform: Am a mistress of multi-tasking; like long, well-groomed finger nails and am fortunate enough that mine grow very long on their own.
There are about a gazillion ways in which I deviate from the female norm: hate shopping, love reading science fiction, history, politics, am not the best house-keeper (unless company’s coming over).
In fact, I was told once that my interests are very much those of men–except for cars and women. I’d say that’s pretty accurate.
Me too, Juliette. But, I do love cars. My weakness and one big splurge is my car.
I was at the Stanford Mall once, sitting in a coffee shop, when I complained to my sister how much I hated shopping. The barista laughed out loud. He said he’d never heard those words come out of a woman’s mouth. Considering where he works, I’d guess not!
At parties, I inevitably end up hanging out with the guys. However, now that I am prematurely retired due to illness, I need something to think about. I love spending time with the kids, but I sometimes I feel like HAL:
“My mind is going, Dave. I can feel it.
Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do…”
I guess I read a little science fiction, too ;-)
I don’t know if SF can no longer be considered feminine, with people like Lois McMasters Bujold and C.J. Cherryh writing masterpieces like they do…
Conform:
1. Need a shave. Also, I look much better with a crew-cut.
2. Slob.
3. Cooking skills include boiling an artichoke, and everything else is: microwave.
4. While I sing the praises of Sapphism, I have more Men’s Men (e.g. Eric Scheie, Jeff Soyer) on my blogroll than I have Lesbians.
5. Obsessed with sex. Sadistic.
6. I vicariously enjoy war and violence. I once wrote a story in which the police stopped riots with nuclear bombs. ha! ha! My views on foreign policy are middle-of-the-road, about halfway between Ashur-bani-pal and Genghis Khan. I totally oppose gun control.
7. Babies are ugly.
8. I generally don’t like long, slow, sad movies.
9. I have lots of books on history, inclcuding some military history, and political science.
10. Most of the characters in my stories are men.
Deviate:
1. Colors, colors, colors, colors…. I love colors. Colors I do love. There are at least 12 essential colors for me: yellow, orange (from yellow-orange to red-orange), vermilion (or orange-red or fire-engine red or what have you), red (red-red, THE red for me), magenta, purple, violet, dark blue (or Navy blue or ultramarine blue), cyan-blue (“square blue”), blue green or turquoise (or teal or aqua or leaf-grean), green (grass-green), yellow-green or chartreuse (or lemon or spring-green).
I have a vast collection of colorful objects (party favors, pens, key-rings, etc., etc.) which I have accumulated over the last 20 years, purchased solely because I like to look at their colors. They are stored in bins as well as in piles on the living room floor). I have many books on color and abstract design.
2. I love cats.
3. I usually prefer watching women’s sports over men’s sports, but I hardly know anything about any sport. I was never athletic, an ectomorph rather than a mesomorph. I do, however, enjoy being around others who enjoy sports. I like being in a culture that glorifies sports.
4. I like the look of cars but I don’t drive a car. The bus is cheaper and I’m a lot less likely to get in a wreck, or, if I do, at least I will not have caused it.
5. I’m not at all mechanically or technologically competent. If there’s a leak, I call a plumber. If I have a problem with my computer, I call my brother, who is a programmer.
6. Economics bores me. I’m even getting bored with war.
7. I enjoy shopping for food, books, colored things.
8. I have a lot of books on psychology and on religion and mythology.
9. I am obsessed with sex. My view of sex is feminine (spiritual, monogamous). I adore the thought of Lesbianism. Masochistic.
10. The central characters in my stories are women.
Conform:
1. I cry at movies.
2. I’m a clean freak.
3. When talking to my girlfriends, sisters or Mom – it takes me 20 minutes to say goodbye on the phone.
4. All babies are cute but mine was the most beautiful…
5. I love flowers.
6. Scented Candles – yummy.
7. If it’s on sale – I’ll find use for it.
8. Chocolate – it’s mine; go buy your own.
9. I love kitties and puppies.
Deviations:
1. Foreplay don’t need it, don’t want it. Get on with it already.
2. NO Cuddling after sex – we can cuddle later; I need a nap.
3. I love to watch sports on T.V.(golf too) – except baseball, baseball is better live.
4. Politics is my favorite thing. No really!
5. I taught the boy how to throw a ball and a punch.
6. Fart jokes and blue humor are staples in my life.
7. I swear like a sailor.
8. I played sports in my youth and I was very good.
9. I was the only girl in my neighborhood that played street football with the boys. I was good.
My older brother stopped letting me play when I , uh, developed…
Conform: [I'm male, btw]
Bad listener when women are talking. Well practiced in the art of saying “Mmhmm” at appropriate intervals while thinking about something else.
Deviate:
I’m southern, born &bred, but don’t hunt or care about NASCAR.
I left out another conform:
I love all babies and children.
Hmmm.
For the record, I’m male. (I’ve gotten enough letters addressed to “Ms. Munn” that I’ve learned I need to specify that explicitly…)
Conform:
1. The female body is beautiful, mysterious, and fascinating. Women have curves!
2. Slob by nature
Conform:
1. The remote control is for turning on the television, changing to the pre-determined channel based on television listings (or alternately, playing the dvd), adjusting the volume when appropriate, and turning it off again. Flipping is an abomination. Look at the damn listings if you want to know what’s on!
2. I love romance novels, if they are well written (and no, that isn’t always an oxymoron–there are a few talented authors)
3. Babies are cute.
4. I like pretty dresses, hair ornaments, and jewelry.
5. I love soap operas, even if they aren’t well written.
6. I look at catalogs just to see the pretty dresses.
7. I sew.
8. I can tell colors.
9. I love flowers, romance, and foreplay.
Don’t conform:
1. Would rather email than talk on the phone.
2. Would rather shop online than on foot. And when I shop, I go in with a list, get what is on my list if the price is right, and leave.
3. Babies are cute, but I don’t want one. Ever.
4. I love porn.
5. Sex twice a day would suit me just fine.
6. I love politics and history–esp war histories with details on strategy and tactics.
7. I love guns.
8. I can’t cook, clean, or decorate.
9. I’d rather watch an action-adventure movie than a chick flick any day of the week.
To me, the most interesting thing about reading this is some of the assumptions people make about what is masculine and what is feminine. I was honestly surprised that people saw “liking babies” as a feminine trait: I consider it to be one of those things that transcends gender. Ditto puppies and kittens–isn’t there something nearly universally appealing about the beginning stages of most mammals? And using “baby talk” with an infant?–I would never do that. I want my child to develop language skills, thank you very much. Aren’t women supposed to be the practical gender?
Also, cats. Isn’t the stereotype that there are cat people and dog people? The people who like cats often like them because they provide some tactile enjoyment, whereas the dog people enjoy the illusion/reality of an emotional bond with this creature. Therefore, most women should, logically speaking, be dog people.
I know I am.
Not to mention the positively bizarre idea that women don’t like sex as much as men. I mean, that’s true when we’re all 17-20, but it changes. By the time we’re in our 30s/40s, the situation generally reverses itself, no?
There do seem to be more cat haters among men than women. And I know lots of men just roll their eyes at the squealing that comes out of most women when a baby’s around. Before I had my own son, I viewed babies as basically odd creatures that I’d prefer to be kept at a distance from, and was always bemused when someone wanted to show me pics of their kids. And I’m still not all that fond of ‘em except for my own. :-)
I’m with you on the baby talk though, LMA. We never, ever spoke baby talk to Jacob. Indeed, we always spoke in complete sentences to him, raising voices a little maybe to get his attention but otherwise, full, grammatically correct sentences. And what do you know? He just finished the first grade and is so advanced in his language skills that he startles people.
I always just figured I was weird. Period. Nothing to do with gender, honestly; I just figured I was weird, end of story, never bothered to conform or deliberately avoid stereotypes. Which means I ended up married to another weirdo, which is just perfect.
We both love cats, reading fast, reading sf, fantasy, and history, big dumb beautiful movies (think Armageddon or Van Helsing), reading, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, music, reading, and good games (like the stuff you find on http://www.cheapass.com and yes that really is their name.)
But he’s the one who loves chocolate, and I’m the one who gets mistaken for a guy online. (One of the reasons I post under an initial is to see who makes that assumption. So far it’s running about 80-20.)
I figured out *why* I hate shopping (hard-to-detect non-standard figure; I look pretty normal but CLOTHES DON’T FIT!) and have been having a better time of it, but lavish my love on kitchen stores.
I like a lot of heavy rock, especially while I’m quilting. The juxtaposition amuses me. (I also have my Paul Simon CDs. And my classical. Even some opera.)
I can do something few women can do: look good in pink. I can even look good in green, which I’m told is a lot harder.
I like to dye my hair red (usually leading to me not wearing pink), which is different from my hubby – he likes to dye his purple. His is also longer than mine, and he has more ear piercings.
He does conform in one major area – he’s the one with the guitar collection. But I’m the one with more instruments. :)
I meant my “baby thing” in a biological clock kind of way. The ticking of the clock is now so loud that it wakes me up at nights. Heh.
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