This picture is from his v-card on my hard drive. I’d sent him an article of mutual interest earlier this year. I had worked with him, as an adversary in a real estate fraud case in federal court in Brooklyn. He had it all. He was one of those people who was roughly my age — younger, damn it — regarding whom I used to say, “That guy has the career I was supposed to have.” He wasn’t just a high-earning partner in a top international firm. I saw the quality of his work: He really knew what he was doing. He had the confidence. The look. The credentials.This was one of the lawyers I was jealous of.
Not any more.
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Life has a way of messing up one’s plans.
I’m sorry for the guy. I haven’t a clue if he was guilty or not and can’t judge him. But feeling so cornered that taking your life is the only way out is really sad.
So much sadness. Sad that he’s irrevocably dead. Sad that he humiliated his wife. Sad that the good he could have done in his career is destroyed. Sad that his children will grow up with this cloud over the memory of their father.
Sad that my first thought upon hearing it was 4am and she was drinking and went to his hotel-room instead of going home and HAD A FUNCTIONING CELL PHONE IN THE BATHROOM but didn’t call the police (or even hotel security) was not shock but rather “Wonder how much the ‘victim’ had in mind when she staged it?”
Gosh. I was about to post something all bubbly about what a great day I just had–which started out awful but which got better.
But now in respect to your friend, I’ll save it for tomorrow.
I’m sorry for your loss, and his family’s. And I hope he was innocent, if nothing else so his family feels some vindication.
I just want to make it clear, Dean — I knew him, but it was only a professional acquaintance; he wasn’t my friend. He traveled in a very different orbit. Evidently even a different one from the one I thought. It’s not so much a personal note for me except for the point of my thinking, gosh, this guy has it all. And he did! Like Richard Cory.
It is a sad story.
A sad story, for sure.
I know nothing about the guy, but based on my interpretation of Ron’s vibes, I would look at this a classical a Greek Tragedy.
I don’t feel much sadness for the lawyer, in particular. But I do feel sad for his family, and the girl, and her family.
And I feel a general sadness for us all, with this man as a representative of the plight of man in general.
Who knows if it was consensual or not; she shouldn’t have gone to his room, but he was cheating on his wife in any case. The outcome is very sad, especially for his kids. This could’ve been avoided if the parties had exercised common sense and not been led around by their genitals. Maybe he should have thought about his family before inviting that woman to his room.
What of the prosecution and the police? How were they handling the case? Was it an honest investigation, or a rush to conviction?
The attitude among my girlfriends and me when we hear about a person who wound up dead or in jail, or destroyed their family over a one-time sex act is: Hey, was it worth it? Or would it have been better to to just stay home and do the laundry by hand.
According to a quote on the 4th page of the article, Gardner had not yet been indicted.
Note that he was married, and admitted that he had sex with the woman. I agree with Stace: if you don’t sleep around, it’s hard to get into these situations.
And, at the risk of sounding all paleo-sexist, going to a man’s room who you had just met -no matter how charming and good looking- is a high-risk situation. If getting raped is a strong concern, don’t sleep around with strangers.
There are no winners here.
None.
Scott,
Call me cynic (or an optimist?)
But there are probably some junior associates at the firm who, in the midst of their grief, are now pondering the opportunity presented them by this untimely death.
A bevy of adages come to mind:
You reap what you sow..
You want to play, be ready to pay…
The bigger they are, the harder they fall…
The grass is not always greener…
So many people will now suffer due to his selfish indulgences. When will people learn that when they cut themselves, it’s their loved ones who bleed?
Prayers for his family, who have to find a way to walk with their heads up.
Linda
It’s a dog-eat-dog world. Trust me, I never forget that.
A tragedy. RIP.
I’m with Scott: no winners here, Arnie Beckers notwithstanding.
And Ron, I know you’re only human, but jealousy doesn’t become you. Judge yourself by your own morals and achievements, not by how others succeed. I’m sure you know this, but you’ve just received a reminder lesson.
Thanks, Martin. We’re always supposed to do what you’re saying, and believe me, it never gets the best of me. But when you’re an underachiever, having it put in your face from time to time hurts.
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