1) People who talk in movie theaters
2) Anyone who puts ketchup on a hot dog
3) Whoever came up with the magical elixir known as Cylon Baby Blood.
4) That woman who pays by check at the supermarket by waiting patiently for her total, then pulls her checkbook out, slowly writes the check out, checks the price twice, checks her signature to make sure it looks pretty, and carefully tears it out of the checkbook and hands it to the cashier. Then has to hunt for her wallet so she can find her driver’s license.
5) The twisted sonofabitch who invented Clamshell packaging.
Feel free to add your own suggestions to the list.
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Those ladies sitting behind you at the opera who think that by unwrapping candy at an ungodly slow pace that they are somehow lessening the noise.
Speaking of supermarkets, the folks who park their shopping carts on one side of the aisle and then browse on the opposite side taking up the free space to get around their cart.
Good list, though I guess I have a certain amount of empathy on #4, depending on the age of said offender. It is, indeed, annoying as hell, but I do see the problem most often with the very elderly. So I’d propose an exclusion along the lines of “…unless over the age of 65, or mentally and/or physically handicapped.”
I would add to the list:
– Those who feel so self-important that they think it acceptable to make the rest of the world suffer inconveniences so that they themselves do not.
Included in this category are
a) those who double-park while they ‘just run in to get a coffee at X’;
b) those who can’t be bothered to return shopping carts to their stalls, instead allowing them to roam freely in parking lots;
c) parents who cannot control kids in theaters or have insufficiently socialized kids so that they behave in theaters.
– TV ‘news’ producers who assume that I could be the least bit interested in what ‘celebrity’ did what today, yesterday, or in court. Except when the female ones get nekkid and they provide proof (or at least links).
– The marketers who use ‘blow-in’ cards that always fall-out of my magazines.
– Nancy Grace, just on principle.
You forgot to note that #4 is babbling on a cell phone about something inane the whole time.
The person ahead of you at the drive-through bank teller, who:
Slowly counts their money 3-5 times.
Hunts for their wallet and stashes it away.
Puts wallet away.
Reads their bank slip checking it for accuracy.
Fold bank envelope disposing in trash bag.
Gets wallet back out and stashes bank receipt.
Puts wallet away again.
Puts vehicle in drive, annoyingly sits with foot on brake.
Rechecks wallet to see if bank receipt is there or in trash.
Then looks up in the mirror and smiles at you before driving off.
1) The individual (usually a woman) who must use every scrap of small chance on their person, rather than just breaking another WHOLE one dollar bill.
2) The parent HEARD yelling at their child to either “Be Quiet!” or “Stop, you’re embarising ME!”
3) People in crowds that have no understanding of “Flow” or “Direction”… these people either are walking the wrong direction or traveling MUCH faster or Slower than the crowd. This can be in any crowd but can be seen most often in malls or in traffic.
4) People who allow their children to take FAR more than they can eat at the buffet and then leave it in BIG piles on the table. They lead by example in many cases, leaving completely untouched food on their plates.
5) People who are happy to discuss any subject (Loudly) on a cell phone, but give you a dirty look if they catch your children staring. I just want to SLAP these people.
6) People who ASSUME their pets should enjoy ALL the rights and PRIVALEDGES of family. LEAVE your ANIMAL in the CAR… It’s NOT and Accessory OR a member of the family to bring in the resturant.
7) SO MANY MORE, but I’m feeling like an elitest WANKER…. another of my pet peeves.
Uh oh. I don’t always return my shopping cart. I figure that’s what they hire the boys for.
You’ll never take me alive, Burgess!
You’re safe, until one of your errant carts hits my car. Since that would involve a considerable trip (although we’re only on near-opposite ends of I-75) you can sleep at night as far as my danger’s concerned.
About others who share my concern, though, you’re on your own.
A chill wind blows…
Little rug rats that kick airline seats for any length of time. Also, their parents for being too lazy to do anything about it.
Any driving offense I deem worthy. These can including minor offenses like leaving turn signals on for miles and miles (the elderly are generally exempt, as they die soon enough anyway) to more major offenses like driving parallel to the car in the slower lane for miles and miles or waiting to long to go after a light changes to green.
I’ll second Dean’s call for the clamshell people to die, I had to deal with one of those earlier in the day. However, they must be tortured first.
I’ll also second the check writers.
The person that decided on India for outsourced technical support call centers. And, I do mean just the first guy, the rest are just penny pinching copycats.
I’m shocked that whoever invented clamshell packaging hasn’t been sued to the hilt already. That tough plastic is dangerous and the edges can easily slice you open quite deeply.
I don’t allow anybody to drive me to rage.
1) When I see an old lady ahead of me in the supermarket line, I head for the express checkout and try to follow college age kids, who almost always use plastic.
2) I bank via internet. No lines. No idiot customers.
3) I put burn-your-tongue crushed red peppers on just about everthing except ice cream. So I really don’t give a damn what people pour on their hot dogs. As long as it isn’t made by Heinz. Because I hated that woman.
4) On those few occasions when I have to call customer service and get Mr Khama Sutra on the phone, I say
“I can’t understand your dialect. Give me a real American.”
When they ask me why, I say,
“I think India is a great place. But I haven’t got time to play guessing games trying to figure out what you’re saying on the phone. So just get off the line and get me an american supervisor.”
5) When a couple of people within ear-shot of me start talking at the metroplex during a relatively expensive film that I want to hear as well as see, I turn around and say to them:
“Either shut up, or move yourselves a few aisles away, or I’m going to embarrass the hell out of you in front of everybody in this theater.”
6) But being a nice guy whenever the situation calls for it, I take the trouble to grab hold of that cart in the middle of the lot and wheel it over to the nearest cart-parking rack. Smiling in smug superiority every inch of the way.
Go ahead. Make my day.
Arnold Harris
Mount Horeb WI
People who continue to talk in support of their proposal after you’ve already said ‘yes’.
That’s a thoughtful one, Elizabeth.
Arnold Harris
Mount Horeb WI
The people who approval instuction booklets with multiple languages intermixed instead of separated.
Then to save 1/2 cent on paper they print the booklet in one point type.
Me too Arnold but my tenant pays his rent by check, and won’t use direct deposit. It is the only reason I ever have to visit my bank.
Sandi: Odds are that within a few years you won’t even have to visit the bank for that.
The people in front of me in line at carryout places who wait until it is their turn to order before they even look at the menu and think about what they want.
Dean and Sandi: at least one bank lets you deposit checks from home by scanning them and uploading the images to the bank’s Web site. (USAA is the one I know of.) Due to Check 21, banks don’t need to send the physical check anymore.
Also, there is nothing at all wrong with putting ketchup on a hot dog, as long as it’s not all you put on it.
Jerry: Die, you sick twisted scum.
Okay, I do it once in a great while too. But I at least know I should be ashamed.
;-)
People who call to order pizza, and have no idea what they want.
People who call and order pizza, then call back 5 minutes later to change their order…make up your freekin minds before you call, as in 5 minutes the pizza is already in the oven.
People who talk loudly on their cell phones… in public places.
People who do not even have the decency to stop talking on their cell phones, while paying for their meal….so rude.
People who think they are so important that they need their cell phone on them at all times, even in movie theaters, while working, while on a date.
The bastard Suits at Fox who cancelled Firefly and Space, Above and Beyond.
They must die, slowly and in great agony.
The person ahead of you in traffic who, even though you’re the only car behind them, have to courteously allow someone waiting to merge in from a parking lot, even though their “wait” for traffic to pass would have been 5 seconds at the most, thereby deciding on my behalf that the merger’s time is more valuable than mine. So glad you could make yourself look good to someone else at my expense.
Honestly, I go to movie theaters seldom — maybe once a year — but I’ve noticed this a lot less in the past few years.
It depends on the mood, and the quality, but especially on the temperature. Yes, the temperature. If I get a good quality dog fresh and hot off the grill, good quality ketchup fresh and cold from the fridge is absolutely perfect. Nothing else. Somehow, that combination is perfect for me. Most times, I like dogs with the works. But that really hot dog and icy cold ketchup is somehow special.
Heh. I was listening to Wha’d'Ya Know today; and when the quiz came on, the caller was this nice enough guy
named
Ben
who couldn’t
say
anything
without a long
pause.
They started the quiz, which is usually fast-paced and full of quips, at 16 minutes to the hour. The quiz requires the players to answer three correct out of five to win. Half the fun is that the questions are goofy, and you hear the caller and the in-theater player and Michael Feldman banter back and forth about the goofy possible answers. Once in a while, Mr. Feldman has to give them hints to move things along. Today, they only managed to get through four questions, and had hints on three of them; because without the hints, Ben would stop his very slow, deliberate speaking
and
think
about
the
question.
Every time they turned to Ben, you could just hear Mr. Feldman cringing.
I can’t hate those any more. A friend once called them magazine seeds: they fall out of the magazines; and if you plant them in a mailbox, they grow more magazines. Now every time I see them, I giggle.
Is it just me, or are people getting stupider about flow? It seems like it where I shop these days.
Dean, they hire the boys for that, yes. (And girls, you sexist pig, you!) But they can’t be everywhere immediately. Even when loose carts aren’t crashing into cars, they’re obstructing parking spaces and traffic lanes. We should all show some consideration for the other people around us.
I’m with Arnold!
Go, Arnold!
It seems like what’s annoying a lot of you people is really your own impatience. That’s not a criticism, it just makes it hard for me to sympathize. I’ve been blessed/cursed with an inordinate amount of patience. Waiting is pretty easy for me (doubly so if I have a book with me). Heck, I waited nine years for Sandy to marry me. After that, waiting for some sweet old lady to fill out a check is nothing.
By the way, I put ketchup, and ONLY ketchup on my hot dogs. Ketchup, and ONLY ketchup enhances the flavor of the MEAT(the main enjoyment of a hot dog). Why would ANYONE want to destroy that delicate flavor by killing it with relish, onions, MUSTARD?(probably Grey Poupon, by the sound of you effite SNOB hotdogophobes)
Patience; the last bastion of the treaded upon.
Dean: I propose that you and I get a few shopping carts and pay Lee and Jerry a visit. They need to get their heads straight about ketchup and hot dogs.
A jihad upon them.
(Do some people think these are serious discussions? Sometimes I wonder…)
Lee, you’ll regret that remark some day.
Don’t worry, I can wait.
Martin,
We are truly soul mates!
At least when it comes to the hotdog/ketchup thing.
A hot hot dog, with cold catsup. Mmmmm…..
It’s like you pulled those words from the depths of my heart…
Southernors eat ketchup on their hot dogs, drink sweet tea, and know how to properly eat grits.
Anyone who holds up a whole line of traffic waiting for someone to back out of a parking space when there are several more open ones less than a hundred feet ahead that the picky parker is preventing others from getting to. Means of execution: something involving being staked to the ground and encountering large numbers of fire ants.
People wearing gold chains, rings, leather jackets, etc who pay for their f$%@#ng groceries, which usually consist of junk food and cigarettes, with food stamps!
And I don’t eat hot dogs. But when I did, I drenched them in ketchup and mustard.
Even worse, people who take the cell phone from their ear and put it in front of their mouth like a walkie talkie to speak. Then put it back to their ear.
They’re MADE to pick up your voice, you dipshits.
People ahead of me on the entrance ramp who think 45 mph is the proper speed to enter a 70+mph freeway.
People in stores, especially supermarkets, who find the narrowest part of the aisle to park their cart.
People who come up behind me on the freeway, get just off my left rear fender, and stay there. You are not my wingman, pass or dropp back.
People in the right lane of the freeway who tailgate. Pass me, dumbledork.
The oblivious large women who form a line and move down the hall v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y, blocking it, and who for some reason cannot hear anyone say “excuse me”.
People who go to enter a building or room then stop right in the doorway and look all around, and then look surprised as you say “excuse me” and push past them.
Cashiers who give me my change in bills first, then pile all the coins on top of the paper money. As soon as I move my hand the coins are going to tumble off and fall to the floor. They must have noticed this, but they do it anyway. And if I want to put the bills back in my wallet and the change in my pocket I have to stand there and flip everything over one-handed, annoying me and slowing down everyone else.
People who invented Nextel phones, and the people who use them in walkie-talkie mode all the time, even when the could easily just use them like a normal phone. (Thanks for reminding me of this one, Michael.) The audio quality on direct-connect conversations is amazingly horrible, so the designers apparently compensated BY INCREASING THE DEFAULT VOLUME. Everyone around them gets to enjoy earsplitting chirps interspersed with shouting and loud, unintelligible garble.
I’ll add the bozos who can’t wait a minute while a car in front of them is trying either to pull in or out of a parking space. I know lots of people are challenged when it comes to parallel parking, but it’s still the norm in most places non-suburban.
And I’ll put in a good word for the drivers in (at least my part of) Florida who do not see the need to pull up so close to the car in front of them at stoplights that they’re scraping the license plate! Everybody here (the snowbirds soon learn) leave a good four or five feet between their front bumpers and the bumpers of the car in front. This allows for great ease in changing lanes when that car in front breaks down or does something stupid.
Hoo Boy, this is a good thread that could go on forever. Here’s my partial list…
In traffic;
Those people who run stop signs in order to get out there in front of you, but then never quite get up to highway speed causing a line of traffic to build up behind them.
In a line of stop-and-go traffic, those people who wait for a minimum of 4 car lengths to open up before they even let up off of the brake. (This is what causes the line of traffic to become “stop-and-go” rather than just “slow-and-steady”.
Those people who go all the way to the head of a line of traffic that is stopped because of a forced lane merge, and then expect someone to let them in. Someone usually does, but this causes the line of stopped traffic to be worse than it ordinarily would be.
People who drive up the expressway on ramp and then attempt to merge at impulse power. Folks, you must come up to at least warp 2 in order to safely merge.
People on the interstate who attempt to pass an 18 wheeler but then chicken out and just sit there on his 9 for miles and miles and miles with traffic building up behind in both lanes. Pass or get out of the way.
Two 18 wheelers, one in the right lane going 50.33 mph, and one passing him in the left lane going 50.37 mph. Grrrr. Pass or get out of the way!!
You’re on a 2 lane country road with curves and hills etc. The speed limit is 55. You get stuck behind some yahoo who slows down to 35 for every single curve and then speeds up to 60 in every straight stretch making it impossible to safely pass. (For these people, I recommend the use of the car-to-car missile system known as the “Bumper Sticker” missile.)
Okay, enough of the traffic peeves. I could do this all day and never repeat myself. But my number one peeve, the one that makes me seriously consider knocking down little old ladies, are those people who stop and chat right in the middle of a passageway or just inside an entryway, thus causing everyone using the door or passage to have to excuse themselves and push past.
People who have no patience and get irritated by such petty things in life, and Norweigans.
People who blast loud, bumping music (like rap) with their windows open while in line at the drive-thru at a fast food place, causing you to have to yell at the speaker so the guy taking your order can hear you above the “music”. Then after you place your order, you have to listen to that crap until they get their order and pull off.
This happened to me yesterday…
I suggest compound turbochargers and nitrous oxide.
Cashiers who give me my change in bills first, then pile all the coins on top of the paper money. As soon as I move my hand the coins are going to tumble off and fall to the floor. They must have noticed this, but they do it anyway. And if I want to put the bills back in my wallet and the change in my pocket I have to stand there and flip everything over one-handed, annoying me and slowing down everyone else.
Yep. That one just burns me up. It’s incredibly inconsiderate, and every single merchant who employs people who make change (do they even know how to make change any more?) should INSIST that money is counted back properly, with the change going into the palm of the hand, and the bills being passed to whichever hand the customer presents.
There’s one that burns me even more, though, and probably only the women will get it.
Spraying all over the toilet seat in public restrooms. This is a relatively new affectation that has become a nationwide plague. It is founded on the premise that toilet seats (in their unsprayed form) are too dirty to use safely. Rather than take the time to use the seat liner provided (in every WalMart in the nation), or improvise a liner with toilet tissue, or carry a travel pack of wetwipes, women now just lower their drawers, squat and aim in the general direction of the commode, and let fly in all directions. If there was any question before, the toilet, and subsequently the handle, the wall, the floor, and any other fixture in the general vicinity, is now MOST DEFINITELY in an unsanitary condition. It is vile, disgusting, hoggish, uncouth, asinine, filthy, and the most discourteous thing I’ve ever encountered. How, may I ask, does a young mother help her toddler go potty, in a urine-soaked stall worthy of a city subway? How does sweet old Mrs. Smith, who barely gets around these days, cope with this? Can any woman picture her grandmother squating like a cavewoman and splattering her urine across the back 40, like some animal marking it’s territory? Of course not! And grandma didn’t die from sitting on toilet seats all her life, either.
Does this animalistic, selfish, paranoid behavior make sense to anyone else?
And I always return the shopping cart to the store, or at least to the cart station in the parking lot. Small town thinking, because I probably know the person who has to retrieve them, and I’d hate to be seen making extra work for her. Just seems lazy of me (and I can always use the exercise), and very inconsiderate of the person I might be chatting with in frozen foods tomorrow. What do I say? “By the way, sorry for the 20 carts I left in the parking lot last month. Thanks for shagging them for me”? Sounds lame.
Linda
I don’t always return my shopping cart. I figure that’s what they hire the boys for.
And the reason they had to hire them in the first place is…? Yep, because we are WAY too busy, and WAY too important and WAY too superior to be inconvenienced by replacing our carts. After all, we just gave that store a lot of money, didn’t we? We are WAY too indignant over the money we just spent to walk our carts back to the storefront. They OWE us.
And excuse me while I double park right here – It will only take half a sec and I’ll be right out, and you don’t mind getting caught in the ensuing minor traffic jam as everyone tries to merge from 2 lanes into 1 to avoid hitting this huge 4-wheel-drive, heated seats and mirrors, cooled drink holders, 9 miles-to-the-gallon environmental holocaust I drive, right? I’ll be right back, I only need to run in and pee all over the interior of the bathroom…
Yeah, we’re not spoiled.
Um, Linda…
I suspect it will shock the bejeebers out of you, but ‘squatting like a cavewoman’ is what an awful lot of third-world women do to this day. And not just the natives, either.
When I was running the Fulbright Student Exchange program in Syria, back in the mid-80s, the students had an “Okay, this is what the real deal is” briefing that they’d pass on to the next year’s incoming students. One of the items discussed that very issue as large parts of Syria are lacking in handy toilets and those that exist are primarily of the ‘bear paws and bombsight’ variety.
Plumbing fixtures and public toilets aren’t significantly different now, one you get ‘East of Suez’ as they say.
Oh, I nearly forgot! If you don’t bring your own TP you use what’s available, including your left hand if that’s all that available.
Even for men, voiding in the wide open spaces takes some acclimatization.
But this isn’t a one-way street. Twenty years earlier, I had to teach Thai men that squatting, with their feet on the toilet seat, was not considered the proper way to use the commode. Somebody else taught the Thai women that little fact.
Based on a trip to the US last week:
1) People who dress their dogs in jackets during cold weather. Isn’t that what fur is for?
2) Guys in bars who take advantage of clearly hammered, barely conscious women.
3) Anyone who complains about the hassle of passing through a metal detector before boarding a flight, visiting the Statue of Liberty or going to the top of the Empire State Building – as if placing their change in a little plastic tray is that much of an imposition.
p.s. Linda –
Spraying all over the toilet seat in public restrooms
Try the mensroom in any bar on Earth. I always assumed they just came ‘pre-sprayed’. Not a dry seat in the house.
It depends on the dog, factoring in both age and coat length. Our cocker spaniel has a medium coat, but he’s old and prone to chills. He gets a dog jacket in cold weather, even indoors. Our dane has a very short coat, even in winter, and ought to wear a jacket; but she’s incredibly skittish, and would likely have a stroke if she was wrapped up in something like that.
The rest of them — the blue bearded collie, the pomeranian, and the long-haired chihuahua — all have coats that are plenty long. No need to give them extra protection.
It depends on the dog, factoring in both age and coat length
And whether there is an undercoat, and the temperature outside, and whether the dog is acclimatized to the cold or just visiting…and overall health. One really good way to make your dog sick is to ask it to spend every ounce of it’s energy trying to keep warm on a pile of hay in a drafty doghouse in 10 degree weather. Contrary to popular opinion, most dogs are not unaffected by the cold. Even the cold-weather breeds, like the spitz groups or Saints or Newfs or Pyrs or Sammys can be greatly compromised if not acclimatized to cold weather.
Cats, even the longhair breeds, have no undercoats and virtually no protection from the cold. They have no business being outside without some form of adequate shelter available, and that doesn’t mean a cardboard box with an old towel thrown inside.
Give a dog a break; if YOU can sleep in the doghouse all night long with the equivilent of your dog’s coat (i.e. short hair: you wear a light sweater; medium hair: you wear a pullover fleece; long hair: you get a windbreaker over the fleece; heavy undercoat: you get a parka), then the dog will do fine. But if you think you might be uncomfortable, so will the dog be. If you think you might freeze your cojones off, then it’s likely your dog is shivering up all his stored energy in an attempt to keep from becoming hypothermic. Long story short, dog struggles to remain healthy. Coat is dull, dry. Energy level is low, dog is listless. Stools are loose or otherwise unusual. Dog is losing weight, despite the fact you’re feeding him more. Dog grows unhealthier by the day, and only springtime and warm weather will give him relief, unless his owner buckles to reality and gives up the antiquated and inhumane “he’s born with his own coat” mentality.
John,
You mean in third world countries they don’t have auto-flush public toilets and electronic sensor paper towel dispensers???
I have actually been on a call here in the mountains where the family had just 2 rooms and a dirt floor. The late 40ish brother of the woman we were there to transport was sitting on a huge coffee can having a bowel movement when we arrived – in the same room as the rest of the family. His sister, age 57, was being transported to the hospital for her semiannual cleansing. They remove all the bedsore scabs, bathe her and medicate the areas where folds of skin hang and breed bacteria. She’s put on antibiotics, given fresh clothing and the same old instructions, which she ignores. The family was given a very nice doublewide mobile home, which is just down the road, and has running water, electricity, and all new housewares, linens,etc. Part of the family moved in, but these few others refuse. They say they like living there.
You can’t imagine the stench of this woman, who is obese and foul but otherwise fairly healthy. Why she chooses to stay in this hovel is beyond me. At least the sister with the children moved into the doublewide. They seem to be doing well enough.
Anyway, it’s not people like Betty B. who make me angry by spraying the toilet seats. It’s people who know better, or ought to. They wear gold jewelry and Alfred Dunner blouses and Hushpuppies. Or they wear long painted fingernails and big hair and chew gum loudly. Or they wear whatever it is 20-somethings wear these days. But they all have a phobia about touching the toilets, so they all make sure nobody else can, either. Not me, not the 4 year old who is potty training, not the 80 year old who has to endure yet another indignity.
I don’t think I’d have a problem adapting to whatever situation came to hand in your third world country. At least, I hope not. That’s a whole ‘nother ballgame, and not at all similar to what goes on here in our priviledged world.
Linda
Linda, what’s a doghouse? I’ve heard of them, but we’ve got nothing like that around our place. Dog beds, sure. The chihuahua has his own dog chair, so he can stay out from under foot. The great dane often claims a dog couch.
Maybe a dog house is where we live…
Martin, Yep!!! Same here. I ask permission from the dog to sit on the couch.
Not really, but it’s because she’s generous about sharing. Gotta love da mutts.
Linda
A dane and a chihuahua in the same house, huh? Gotta make for some interesting moments. When I used to show Rotties, my daughter had a Yorkie who ruled the roost. Never knew he was less than 2 lbs. He thought he was a giant.
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