For several years running the boys at an elementary school in Delaware have sold Marshmallow Shooters to one another on Market Day – an event where all the kids hold a flea market and sell each other toys, baked goods and other stuff in celebration of all things capitalistic. The marshmallow shooter is made from cut sections of PVC pipe that allows one to shoot mini-marshmallows blow-gun style.
A Premade Marshmallow Shooter
Last week it was his grade’s turn to do Market Day, and the Kid decided that he wanted to sell them. He spec’d out the materials he needed on the computer, and the next day we picked them up from Home Depot. Using a pipe cutter he learned how to cut the plastic pipe to length, sanding the burrs so that the pieces fit smoothly into the PVC fittings. After assembly, we hung the shooters from a clothes line with wire hangers, and he spray painted each one. Much to my relief the next day the shooters sold quickly and he made a nice profit for his ideas and handiwork.
Yesterday I received a voice mail from his principal stating that the shooters were being recalled because of a parent’s complaint (I called her back immediately to find out more about the complaint but got turfed to vmail by her secretary). After school the Kid brought home a letter that read:
“Dear Parents/Guardians. At our Market Day on Friday several students sold a product that has the potential to be used inappropriately. Please know that there was no intent on the part of the students or staff to place your child in harms way. The school in rethinking the sale of this product has decided that it was not a wise choice even though they were marketed for fun. I am asking that students who purchased “Marshmallow shooters” return them to their homeroom teacher for a full refund. I am also requesting that they be taken apart and placed in a sealed envelope or package with your student’s name and homeroom number.”
The principal’s voice mail had mentioned that refunds would be paid using school funds. That’s right taxpayer dollars will be used to refund money for a product that “has the potential to be used inappropriately.” I especially like the insistence that “they be taken apart and placed in a sealed envelope” – as if they might fall out and go off accidentally. I also appreciate the principal’s polite yet firm demand that “students who purchased ‘Marshmallow shooters’ return them.” It’s not an offer of a refund for those who want one (the Kid sold 2 models, a small for $3 and a large for $5) but a demand from an educator who obviously knows best about the dangers our children face in this world than parents do. I can imagine the headline in the Philadelphia Inquirer: Del School Marshmallow Massacre Leaves Students Sticky, Sugared Up.
Given our experience with the school, I’m not at all surprised. This after all is the place that has not one but two “Positive Behavior Support Team Coordinators.” As I said, our taxpayer dollars at work… I’m actually surprised they celebrate capitalism; I half expect them to have a Communism Day where the students produce things that nobody wants and sells them for less than they cost to make. Of course I haven’t checked to see what event the principal is planning for May 1st.
Next up: Pencils. In his autobiography, G. Gordon Liddy recounts a meeting with John Dean whom he despised. At the meeting, Liddy saw sharpened pencils on a desk and briefly contemplated jamming one into Dean’s throat. I suppose that depending on your feelings towards Nixon that could be considered a potentially inappropriate use of a pencil.
Here is a short video of the marshmallow shooters in action.
The horror… The horror…
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You have to understand that you knowingly and willfully operated an underground spitball cannon factory with intent to distribute (for profit) leading to untold levels of humiliation of the students who do not care to engage in spitball wars during class.
You should be ashamed!
(What, sarcasm? Don’t be silly.)
Elisha Feger’s last blog post..It’s Comcastic!
Scott,
I think it’s just a sad fact that school districts are under so much pressure from parents and others to conform to a certain mode of behavior, not to mention that deviation from a prescribed set of guidelines could land them in court. It’s no surprise that they’re (pardon the pun) gun-shy about anything designed primarily as a weapon, harmless or not.
The kids have learned another aspect of real world capitalism: dubious government intervention.
Scott, how much for shipping and handling to deliver one to Michigan? Tell the Kid I’ll place an order for one large Marshmallow Shooter. You and I can work out the payment arrangements.
The school can make whatever stupid rules they want, but the Kid can step out of their centrally-planned economy and find a more open market.
So the school wanted them… demilled?
I’m guessing that rubber bands and paperclips are next.
Bic pens after that? Hell, when I was in school, we used spitballs as sabots for straightened paperclips to shoot at each other. And when rubber bands weren’t enough power for shooting paperclips at each other, some genius managed to score some surgical tubing (god knows where.)
Phelps’s last blog post..Biased Much?
It’s all in good fun until someone puts an eye out. Or eats a marshmallow.
When we were in middle school we’d take apart pushbutton ballpoint pens and reassemble them backwards, so that the spring would shoot the small projectiles across the room. I think our science teacher taught us how to do this.
bcostin’s last blog post..Today we’ll be reading from Pelosi 4:22
I knew a guy who built arrows by using the old bic mechanical pencil eraser holder. He stuck a needle through eraser to make a nasty little dart. He then shot another student in the stomach with it, leaving a nasty puncture wound and bruise. Both kids thought it was funny as heck. Another kid made an arc cutter out of a camera flash which he used to blow holes in Coke cans, and I designed and built the first semi-auto assault spitwad shooter. I think it would have fallen under the assault weapons ban. It held like 20 .177 caliber BBs for ammo. I also had plans sketched out for a fully automatic multi-barrel Gatling-style version. I was a ticking time bomb I tell you. In college I discovered that Wal-Mart will give you the old disposable cameras. The ones with a flash have a 300 volt capacitor charging circuit. It wasn’t long before I had stuck a 150V capacitor into a large ballpoint pen and made a really wonderful gag. It’s sitting on my desk now. (uncharged)
Ryan
RyanR’s last blog post..Faces of Math
This is not an appropriate use of a marshmallow.
Marshmallow golf ( a great fund raising idea by the way ). Yes. Used in scientific experments to determine the speed of light? You bet.
 Respect your marshmallows. The are to be used as shooter glasses. (I could elaborate, but this might not be the best place for that).Not shooters ammo.
Parents at this school should join together and write letters to the admins saying that just because something is not appropriate that doesn’t mean that it is inappropriate. They should schedule meetings with the admins and anyone else who cares to explain that it is inapropriate to classify things as not appropriate unless they are unappropriate. They should picket the school with signs that say “Not appropriate isn’t inappropriate. Yes for Marshmellow shooters.”
Then maybe for once the admin/legal/PC idiots would get a taste of their own doublespeak. Another reason I send my kids to private religious schools.
detroitVB
I like your idea. I think the best way to fight political correctness is to use their own tactics against them.
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