A few weeks ago I wrote about some trouble we ran into with our local school district over my kid’s sale of marshmallow shooters. This wasn’t the first time we’ve had difficulty with it. The Kid’s primary school’s Halloween parade, a tradition that dated back decades, was canceled after a parental complaint that it supported witchcraft. While the district is closing and consolidating schools, it sends out letters signed by not one but two “Positive Behavior Support Team Coordinators”. The criticism of the district’s top-heavy staffing led to the district superintendent posting a letter arguing against the district’s detractors. But the problems are deeper than that.
Yesterday the Kid called me on his cell phone, saying that one of the “special needs” boys had beaten up two girls in front of the substitute, who had to get the guidance counselor to help her pull the kid off one of his victims. One of the girls immediately had an acute asthma attack, which Dr. Wife claims can be potentially life threatening. Our school district evidently follows a policy of inclusion for special needs kids:
Whenever possible, students receive services in the general classroom with accommodations and modifications to support individual learning styles and needs.
Yet gifted kids are separated out into “gifted classes.” Unfortunately the Kid has reported numerous problems with these overly-aggressive kids over the 6 years he’s attended public school. Most of the kids come from bad backgrounds, and were born to drug or alcohol addicted mothers. In 3rd grade one kid was so disruptive that the district used a volunteer adult “minder” to sit with him in class to control him. Nevertheless he still managed to disrupt the class, verbally and sometimes physically assaulting teachers and students.
Coming from St. Louis, this has come as a bit of a shock since my hometown has an entire school district devoted to “special needs” kids. One of my nephews with Down’s went to it, and I spent a month as a teacher’s assistant in it for my senior year project in high school. I hadn’t realized until recently how rare this program was, and how much easier it would be for my son, his teachers, and the students who have to put with this policy.
The question is, what should I do about this? The local media isn’t interested; I’ve contacted them with various stories related to this, but the newspaper simply publishes wire stories with the occasional fluff piece. I’ve already battled the sea with a broom in my fight against offshoring and labor dumping, so I’m not eager to embark on yet another hopeless fight.
But I value public education and don’t feel that I should be the one forced to yank my kid out of it and send him to private schools. It doesn’t seem right nor fair. So I will begin by researching the issues and trying to contact like-minded parents who have dealt with similar issues, and searching for ideas – and ammunition – for the coming battle.
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Just remember you are mostly dealing with hardened life-long Democrats accustomed to living on confiscated money in an institutional culture which is highly desensitized and succeeds by rationalizing all manner of wrongdoing. Your child’s needs are not a benefit to them, financially, psychologically or career-wise. They will project the unconscionableness of their behavior (and injury arising from their lack of meaningful response) onto your family and your child, as you are the problem because you won’t suck up and cooperate. If you can somehow find a way to affiliate your child with a group of appropriate status and bootstrap that into an additive opportunity for program funding, maybe then they will take an interest in your child’s needs and the easily corrected crises which sadly permeates his daily classroom environment.
Most modern schools and university education departments are sick, institutionally. Your situation reminds me of this disturbing observation (1965) by Stanley Milgram about obedience in an authoritarian environment: "With numbing regularity good people were seen to knuckle under the demands of authority and perform actions that were callous and severe. Men who are in everyday life responsible and decent were seduced by the trappings of authority, by the control of their perceptions, and by the uncritical acceptance the experimenter’s definition of the situation, into performing harsh acts. …A substantial proportion of people do what they are told to do, irrespective of the content of the act and without limitations of conscience, so long as they perceive that the command comes from a legitimate authority."
I might simply bide my time and move. We’re looking into leaving the area anyway within the next two years or so. But that’s two years of bad – perhaps even dangerous – schooling.
John Taylor Gatto. His first book is a must for steeling one’s self for the task of stewarding one’s child through the institutional hazing that awaits. And, William Glasser, MD. Both have a lot to say; comforting, reaffirming and rich in insight for parents and children.There’s nothing lonelier than to face significant conflict with your child’ s school. Â There’s no malice quite like it.
Problem with moving around is the institutional culture is more uniform than ever. It can be difficult finding respite from the insanity that grips the superior culture of modern education.
I wish you luck, but from what I’ve seen, they’ll try to route you into the toothless PTA and otherwise silence and/or ignore you. That’s what the state monopoly system creates.
"Mainstreaming" of special needs kids is "the new thing". Decades old, but newer than "the old thing": dedicated special ed programs. Your administrators no doubt see your St. Louis experience as a sign of a "backward" district.
I wouldn’t expect things to change, unless you change them.
Scott,
With respect, marshmallow shooters whether approved or not, lend nothing to the major issue you face which is that your child remain focused for the benefit of his education regardless of the circumstances of his school or its policies.
Sure you can be an activist and have causes and write letters and be an irritant to the school board and be the good social improver with advice not sought but it is all secondary to your child’s need of being focused on learning.
Should you think because of negative response to your activism, that you are being forced to enroll your child in private school that too will be misconstrued by student to think, well, I’m here because the other school district forced my dad to send me here.
The only criteria you need concern is whether your child is focused and is he learning ? All the rest is secondary.
So, when the cell phone rings, take the message and inform student he has one task—learning.
If this makes no sense, kindly ignore.
McK
McKiernan,
did you miss the part where scott’s kid’s learning was being impaired by the school’s culture?
willem,
i love it. not only is every teacher a democrat, but they are also hardened incompetents-by-choice whose only goal in life is to grow as individually fat as possible on the public teat. life must be so easy when you can believe that everyone else is willfully evil.
zach,
Scott can speak for himself, although, no, I hadn’t read about any impairment by school culture per se.
McK
Evidently you stopped reading after the first paragraph. Please read the rest. It’s alot more serious than toys.
The problem is “inclusion”. It’s the belief that problem kids do best in “normal” classes. On Friday one of the kids who is an “inclusion” beat the tar out of two girls in my son’s 5th grade class while the substitute ran for help.
Scott,
My attitude and your attitude is secondary and tertiary.
I’ll repeat, the goal as a parent is:
Is your student focused and is he learning ?
If that isn’t the goal, kindly inform us.
Okay, I see you changed your first comment under edit.
Now we have to fix normal classes and inclusionary’s with bad behavior.
That could be a distraction.
Then again, if your gonna pick public school you gotta run with the politically correct.
I’m gonna have to pass, my dad had ten kids.
He knew the score on public schools and wouldn’t even permit me to go to public school kindergarden.
Ignore first advice.
Take charge of your kid’s education.
Forget, correcting pc issues.
It’s a waste of time.
McK
Take charge of your kid’s education.
Forget, correcting pc issues.
It’s a waste of time.
Mkay… So this means what exactly?
It means you’re in charge as first mentor and as primary decision maker to ensure your child is learning and focused.
McK
I think I get what you are saying.
And you’re right.
Thanks.
"Take charge of your kid’s education.Forget, correcting pc issues.It’s a waste of time."
That is true and good advice. But the institutionally-driven intrusions into your homelife are unrelenting. The work and anxieties pushed home sets up conflict in the home. The school sees your home as an extension of their authority, and your family life as rightfully subordinated to any intrusion of any form they wish to impose upon the child, or via the child, upon the parents. This has an insidious impact of eroding and reducing the parent in the eyes of the child by subordinating the parent to the institutional authorities in the school, and directly affronts matters of trust and balance between parent and child.
John Taylor Gatto. William Glasser. If you only have the time to read their work you will be far better equipped to adapt and preserve your relationship with your child.
If your goal is merely to have them learning and focused, then Ritalin will certainly solve that. But there is more to human development, family development and child development than education. There are too many soul murdered robots running around now with no real qualitative grasp of knowledge or the human liberal tradition. Think back. Beyond the rote drills of basic core competency, what do you remember about your lower, middle and high school experiences? What about classroom obedience and robotic subordinance during those years prepared you for critical and creative thinking as an adult? Most say "very little" and many say "I don’t really remember much of anything about those years." But ask them about mistreatment or anxieties and they can go for hours.
In today’s schools, the object of the exercise is to not abandon your child to the institution; to not be reduced and subordinated to the institution in the eyes of your child; and, to remain alert and protect your child from abuse and mistreatment during their tenure in what has become a sick institutional environment.
If your goal is merely to have them learning and focused, then Ritalin will certainly solve that.
willem,
That is not a very intelligent statement under any circumstance.
Scott,
But I value public education and don’t feel that I should be the one forced to yank my kid out of it and send him to private schools
Perhaps its time for you to re-evaluate your position here. You know, reality and all that…
First, you need to clarify your goal in your own mind. Are you trying to change the system, or ensure that the system doesn’t damage your child? How exactly do you personally define damage, physical or educational? Having a VERY clear goal makes taking action easier
Second, make sure that your actions are effective. The point is not to "take action" so you can feel good about yourself, but rather to take actions that change your child’s situation.Â
I have four small children now, and I find my time working toward a Masters/Education to be invaluable. One of the things I learned most shocking was the commonly taught theory that the "worst" parents from a teacher’s perspective are the ones that are paying attention, the ones that are "educated and motivated".
Remember, you don’t need to be the teacher’s friend. You don’t need to be the principle’s friend. You need to be your child’s advocate. Which is not to say you should be ugly to school officials, but you CAN be very very firm. Never argumentative, just very firmly re-introducing them to reality.
In your specific situation, you might calmly point out to the principle (and the teacher) in writing that if they know a child is violent and if they put your child in harm’s way in a room with that child then they are liable in spades if ANYTHING happens to your child. (If you know a lawyer, this might be a good time to get him/her to write a letter for you) I’m willing to bet that the violent child get moved to another classroom. And you can also point out that your child won’t be moving to another classroom because YOUR child isn’t the problem. Yeah, that doesn’t fix the world. And life isn’t fair. But. It would effectively alter your child’s environment.
Would be helpful if the parents of the two little girls filed assault charges. Just saying.
Comes in handy if your child is taking martial arts. Not because they whack people, but because it helps them have a plan for what to do if they’re attacked. Kids with plans are less scared than kids without plans, and scared kids don’t learn well.
You know, its almost the end of the school year. If you complain now, it might not change things immediately … BUT it might get your kid put in a better situation next year. Have you noticed if they have one classroom with no "problem" kids in it this year? Wonder if those kids have parents that complain a bunch? Also, do any teachers have children in your kid’s grade? If so, try to get in their class. They’re usually in the good-to-be-in-places.
Private school isn’t the end of the world. I’m not trashing public schools, but they are not equipped for some of the issues they’re having today. Like violent students, and drugs, and gangs, etc. Most private schools can and do have behavior standards. That facilitates learning. I don’t see how much learning your kid is doing in class.
Think about it: He called you from his cell-phone, like a security blanket, when an assault happened in his class that the adult-in-charge couldn’t stop.
You could run for School Board…
I had a pretty good time in public schools, but it was a very fragile balance. 1 or 2 terrible kids can disrupt an entire class. If the policy of the school is to keep such kids in class, then a lot of the energy is directed to this lowest common denominator, and thereby cheats the other 28 or so kids out of the education they deserve.
HankB
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