“It’s great to be an independent creature. Today you don’t need a man any more. In the old days, a baby without marriage and people would put you out. I’m very into feeling this female thing.”
From No role for dad, says Minnie (MSN, 7/23/08):
Minnie Driver (pictured) has revealed that she has no plans to include her baby’s father at any time during the birth.
“I’m not married and I don’t know if I’ll stay with the guy,” she told the New York Post.
“My mum and aunt Serena will be with me, as will my best friends, a midwife and a yoga teacher. And I’ll be the wailing monster at the centre.
“It’s great to be an independent creature. Today you don’t need a man any more. In the old days, a baby without marriage and people would put you out. I’m very into feeling this female thing.”
She also had an unlikely companion to help her through the early months.
“With this pregnancy I was very sick the first four months. My black Labrador, Bubba, my forever constant loving companion, knew it,” Minnie revealed.
“He’d see me lying on the couch. He’d stay with me. He felt for me.”
The 38-year-old, who is expecting her first child next month, announced her pregnancy in March on TV, though she has kept mum about the identity of the baby’s father – only saying that he’s English and in the same business.
“If he wants to come out and talk about it, he’s more than welcome to,” she said.
“But since he doesn’t live his life in the public eye, it’s something I want to keep private.”Â
Driver’s viewpoint is similar to that espoused by the “Single Motherhood by Choice” movement:Â
1) She apparently believes that her children do not need a father, even though choosing fatherlessness for her child is the equivalent of saying, “I love my child. That’s why I am going to intentionally and unnecessarily create conditions under which the child is far more likely to grow up maladjusted. My child will be more likely to drop out of school, experiment with drugs, commit crimes, or commit suicide. If my child is a girl, she’ll be more likely to become pregnant as a teenager. My child will also be less likely to marry and more likely to divorce.”
2) Naturally, the man she’s with somehow isn’t good enough, or there’s something wrong with him. This isn’t surprising, since there is something wrong with every man, and women are very, very skilled at finding out whatever it is that is wrong. Whatever might be wrong with the woman, we don’t discuss. Minnie does sing the praises of her dog, who apparently is a better “loving companion” than her child’s father.
3)Â I love how she refers to the baby’s father–”I don’t know if I’ll stay with the guy.” She’s about to give birth to his child and he’s just some “guy” who she may or may not decide to stay with.
4) If pressed on why she has declined to create a family for her child, Minnie will probably say what most single mothers by choice say–she was unable to find a good guy or the right guy. I find it very hard to believe that an attractive, famous, wealthy actress like Driver couldn’t find “a good guy.” The problem isn’t a lack of “good guys”–the problem is usually that women like Minnie are too critical and picky.
To learn more about the problems with the Single Motherhood by Choice” movement, see my co-authored column Are Single Mothers the ‘New American Family?’Â (World Net Daily, 9/28/06).
Glenn Sacks, www.GlennSacks.com
[Note: If you or someone you love is faced with a divorce or needs help with child custody, child support, false accusations, Parental Alienation, or other family law or criminal law matters, ask Glenn for help by clicking here.]
{ 11 comments }
Glenn,
this posts is long on assumptions and short on facts. You have no idea what the circumstances are between Driver and the baby’s father so stop pretending to have some divine insight into her life simply because she’s a woman. Yes, babies are better off with two parents, but it’s obscene to suggest without any evidence that Driver is somehow at fault simply because she’s having a baby without the presence of the father. I’m not saying she’s definitely in the right and clear here, but you, me, and everyone except those within her closest circle are disastrously ill-equipped to judge.
What’re you complaining about?
She’s got a great guy. The dog.
Maybe she’s being rather light-hearted about the baby’s father because she knows that this stuff will still be around in the future. Maybe she’s trying to NOT say, "He’s a demented whacko and I have proof!" so that the baby will at least have the illusion that the father was normal-ish. Nobody wants to grow up knowing for sure their father was a freak. Better to think he just drifted away than to know beyond doubt that he was really horrid.Â
The reality is that some fathers are bad. Really really bad. In fairness, some mothers are really really bad too. But gender doesn’t make you a good or bad parent! And children are better off sometimes without those parents.Â
You don’t know ANYTHING about this father. Not even whether or not he’s even interested in this baby. MAYBE he’s not remotely interested in being a responsible parent, and she’s covering nicely for it so the baby doesn’t have to later read about his father being a jerk.
For whatever reason, you seem to think that all single mothers are evil. Maybe you need some counseling.  Its not healthy to hate an entire group based on gender. I hope you get some help.
We don’t have to know anything about the father, Lucy. And that you’re busy trying to craft a defense for Driver not talking about the father (because he’s actually a bad guy but she doesn’t want to hurt the kid) clearly shows where your own bias is while attacking Glenn for what you think his is.
Driver has already stated why she doesn’t want a father in the child’s life: The idea of a father is an antiquated relic of the past. She’s says as much in her own words.
So stop trying to defend the woman when she’s made it crystal clear why she doesn’t want her child to have a father in its life. She’s not doing it to protect the thing, she’s doing it because she thinks children don’t need fathers.
“It’s great to be an independent creature. Today you don’t need a man any more. In the old days, a baby without marriage and people would put you out. I’m very into feeling this female thing.â€
This is not a women who is hurt by an irresponsible sperm donor. This is a selfish little monster who cares not a bit about her child’s needs. People who defend her are her enablers and have a share in causing the inevitible suffering the child will almost surely go through. I am woman hear me roar – barf.
Kevin and detroitVB,
IMHO you have seriously misread the quote, as has Glenn. Driver is not stating that no man is the preferable state of affairs (saying it’s great to be independent is not the same thing). She is simply saying that it is a fact that you don’t need a father to raise a baby anymore. A simple look at the number of children raised by one-parent households with an absentee mother or father will show the veracity of that statement. Even if she is putting a positive spin on something happening in her life one can hardly blame her. But you still know nothing of either the father’s relationship with Driver or the child, and I’d urge you both (3 with Glenn) to withhold judgment.
Look, I’ll say it plainly. A baby is no reason to get married. I’ve seen men get into relationships that were nothing but misery and heartache that ended in a bitter divorce because he wanted to "make sure the kid has a father". Just because someone is knocked up doesn’t mean they gotta stay with anyone. There could be a number of reasons that she doesn’t want to stay with the dad.
I know a woman who had a kid when she was 17 and was single for quite awhile until she found someone deserving of her child’s attention. Her kid is currently an honor student at their college and is doing great. The kid calls the second guy to come along "Dad". Sometimes the Dad doesn’t have to be the sperm donor.
Staying with someone just because you knocked them up(or because they knocked you up) is stupid, plain and simple. It is better for this kid to live with a single parent then grow up in a miserable home.
Sheesh.Â
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She is stating a personal opinion, not crusading to force her views on everybody – unlike a number of politicians, "health professionals,"Â and so forth.Â
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Nor is it all that new. When I was about ten, mid-1950s, a woman in the neighborhood had two kids by different fathers chosen by her for intellectual prowess with no intention of ever making any other commitment. She was NOT ostracised, indeed was (because of other accomplishments she had to her name) admired.
Or, is it better for the kid to live with a single parent than grow up in a happy home?
You automatically assume that a man and a woman that stay together because they made a baby will be unhappy together. This shows your own bias in the matter. You automatically assume the negative is most probable in a situation where it could go either way.
How about the man and woman stay together until misery is known, rather than assumed.
Err on the side of caution, and what’s known to be best for a child, and all, okay?
If the man is good enough to spread your legs for then he’d better be good enough to raise a kid with.
But I’m old fashioned like that. Sex isn’t just a handshake to me like it seems to be to others.
zach,
I don’t need to own a car if I want to have one. I can steal it. I don’t need to go to a gun range to target practice. I can open fire randomly on the street.
I can do a lot of things in a way that’ll be effective in achieving my immediate goal. That doesn’t mean it’s the right way.
You’re right, a child can be raised by a single parent. But that’s not saying it’s the ideal arrangement.
A simple look at those single-parent homes you love so much also shows higher instances of suicide, drug use, drop-outs, inclination toward crime, and a whole lot more.
Nice of you to ignore that for the benefit of the child.
You want to throw your seed wherever you want without consequence, feel free. But don’t act like child you create is better off without a father.
If you’re man enough to fuck some woman you don’t intend to see again, you’d better be man enough to raise that kid when they come.
Or you’re no man at all.
kevin,
whoa, slow down there my man. when did i ever say that i "loved" single-parent homes. as i clearly stated in my earlier comment, they are NOT the ideal state of affairs. we’re in agreement on this point, so no need to get up on the high horse on my account.
but once again you’re concluding things that you have no business concluding. that whoever knocked up Driver was a scumbag just looking for a score (or, alternatively, that Driver was the scumbag). maybe so, maybe not, how can we know when there are pretty much zero facts in this story (other than that Driver is pregnant)? accidents happen, or maybe what was once a stable relationship changed unexpectedly. there could be a million reasons why the kid was conceived, only some of which reflect particularly badly on one or both parties.
i’m not saying you can’t criticize Driver or the father for their actions, but, IMHO, wouldn’t it be wiser to wait until some inkling of either Driver’s or the father’s reasoning comes to light before handing down a judgments like detroitVB’s that Driver is "a selfish little monster who cares not a bit about her child’s needs."
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