So, I have a new job. I’ve been there two weeks now. I’m not really happy with it. I could list the reasons but that isn’t important. What’s important is that I realized I need to be in a place I’m not happy.
I’ve been unemployed for over a year and I keep saying I want to be a writer. What have I accomplished in this past year? Nothing. I have nothing to show for 365+ days of free time.
I’m in my new job and I start looking for a new one immediately. I also start writing. I’m contacted about a job doing IT at a bank for $22-$24 an hour. This is what I should be making right now anyway given my experience but I’m not. I tell myself that the additional money and (surely) better work envrioment is something God would want me to have. It’s only logical, right?
It’s not that I interviewed and didn’t get the job. I didn’t even get past the stage that would get me to the interview that would get me to my God-given job. I get angry. I give God the metaphorical finger (because I’m 12 and throwing a tantrum) and I write a little more.
Then I notice a pattern. It’s a pattern that goes back years. I want a thing, I say I want only what God wants for me (and I convince myself this also happens to be that thing), and when I don’t get it I get angry.
Well, I don’t have to stub my toe fourteen-hundred-and-ONE times to realize I should maybe look down at where I’m walking.
Then I see that BioWare Austin is hiring desktop support. “Ah-ha!” I say. I love BioWare. I really, really do. And I can do desktop support to boot! And it pays more than what I make more. This is something God would want me to have. It’s only logical, right?
I say to God, “Father, I want only what you want in My life. You know I want this job. You know I really like the games they make. But if You don’t want me to have it then I don’t want it.” But what’s different this time I that I mean it. I have a strong phone interview and I give a strong face-to-face interview.
I found out today I didn’t get the job.
I wrote the lady in BioWare HR a nice note, thanking her for her time and expressing my graditude for even getting the opportunity to interview. And I realized that while I was disappointed, sure, I wasn’t angry. Here I was, being told I wasn’t going to work for a company I really liked and I was less upset about that than I was about not getting a job for a bank I never heard of.
And it clicked for me. I’m where God wants me to be. I don’t like it but I keep asking Him to put me where He wants me to be and He’s listening.
I think too many of us assume that God wants us to be rich, happy, and healthy as we define it. We see a high paying job at a nice place to work as something universally good. And maybe it is. But what if that’s not what we need right now? What if we need to be in a place that is uncomfortable because He needs to get us to a place we won’t get to otherwise?
If we can be happy in that place, then we can be happy in any place.
I’m not happy where I’m working. But you know what? It’s a paying job and I’ve written more in the past three hours than I’ve written in three months.
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In xtianity you’re free to suffer all you wish, even if you think it will have a benevolent outcome.
But, the zen master sez,
A day without work is a day without food.
Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.”
Kevin:
I try not to let my cynical side show on this sort of thing, so I’ll just say “Hey, glad you are writing again.”
I’m getting back to MY “novel” (doesn’t every pseudo-intellectual geek fanboy have a novel on their computer?) too, after a two year hiatus that I self-imposed after losing my father.
I’ve been giving God the metaphorical (and physical) finger for years, trust me, he doesn’t care. If he did there would have been a trail of devastation following me for years. Sometimes I wish I believed in God just so I could give him a good cussing.
I will say that it is remarkable how what God wants for us just happens to be exactly what we would expect in a cold, uncaring universe filled with arbitrary and random events. He’s pretty cool that way.
Once you finish your great American novel, how are you going to publish it?
And hey, Dean, if you happen to be reading this, how did you publish your novel? Did you self-publish? Did you go to a Publish on Demand publisher like Booksurge? I’m getting far enough along in my novel (about 80,000 words now) that I’m starting to wonder what I’m supposed to do once I type “The End”.
Jesus never had a real job.
Like where was he during the potato famine ?
Me irish ancestors were busting there behinds trying to get their kids to America.
You are fortunate to be as close to G-d as you are–it’s not something most can relate to. It’s better than the jobs.
May G-d bless you with openly revealed good.
Look into the Seven Mitzvos of Bnei Noach .
Naftali
CC,
I appreciate your attempt to not be cynical.
BTW: I’m not writing a novel. I’m working on a screenplay. So, on that front, I can’t give you much help on publishing.
Dean did the publish on demand route. To my knowledge neither he nor John sent letters to any publishing house.
The best advice I’ve seen about getting published is here: http://www.saradouglass.com/write.html
Hope it helps!
Mc Kiernan,
Actually, he was a carpenter.
Some words from someone who has been there and is trying to get further:
Kevin-
I’ve said this to you before, Kevin, but I will say it again: If this is a screenplay that will cost more than $25,000 to make you need to move to Los Angeles. We are snobs. We don’t read anything from anybody in the “flyover states.” Sad, but true. And I know you said you hate California (which blows my mind, it’s a gorgeous state with whole COUNTIES of conservatives) but that is where you need to be.
Cosmic-
Self-publishing is only good if you’re just interested in what you book would look like with a cover. Nobody makes any money off of it. Your paperback book costs $20 for the readers and zero marketing leads to zero sales.
Get a publisher. It may be a long and frustrating journey, but it’s your only shot.
If becoming a writer (screenwriter or novelist) were convenient or easy everybody would do it. It’s not. You need to make sacrifices. Now, please excuse me as I do some research for my great American novel. :)
Strikes a chord, Philippians 4:11 (New International Version)
11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.
Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. Also, more in line with your post, an adventure is an inconvenience, properly understood.
May your adventures not be too inconvenient!
Jesse,
I remember your advice and I appreciate you repeating it.
P. Mike,
You’re very right. But it’s a difficult lesson to learn. I know I’ll forget it at times in the future but my hope is that those times are few and far between.
Dave,
I like, “Adventure is an inconvenience, properly understood!” I’m going to commit that to memory.
We sent manuscripts to multiple agents and publishing houses and didn’t even get responses. From what we read and hear, these days that’s pretty normal. The entire publishing industry has changed massively in the last 10 years, so it appears that almost anything you read about how to get published no longer applies.
There is so much competition in publishing these days, and there are so many more people submitting manuscripts, that unless you happen to know someone and be well-connected, you probably will not get your novel even looked at without a very determined and persistent agent, and most agents are so backlogged that they themselves probably won’t even look at your novel unless you’ve got a short one-page summary that immediately looks incredibly gripping and very original and likely to sell like hotcakes. If it’s topical and/or sounds just like something already selling well you’re likely to get more attention. And since everyone who writes a one-pager tries to make their book look incredible, good luck figuring out exactly how to write one that gets their attention.
It appears that basically, unless you’re already published and successful, or have excellent connections, then getting published is like winning the lottery.
While I’m quite certain that most submissions that get to agents and publishers aren’t worth publishing or even considering, I’m equally convinced that at this point a ton of truly awesome writing is just rotting. It was when I reached this conclusion that I decided self-publishing was the only route–which these days, unlike the old days, is actually one route by which you might get picked up by a major publisher, because if you can show how you sold a ton of copies on your own it’s proof that your book may sell well with real muscle behind it.
John pretty much seems to have come to the same conclusions I did, although he can speak for himself. I’m extremely proud of that novel and I just want it read, I don’t care about money, and we made little (very little, and actually I still owe John something like a thousand bucks of it back because he gave me some of the royalties as a loan).
By the way, it tentatively appears that after years of essentially stopped development, John and I may, just may, have formally begun work on Book II, having found a direction we both seem to really be liking. More as it develops. :-)
Dean,
Some time ago I told John about a publishing house that has an open submission policy. I can’t remember their name. I’ll try to dig it up. Anyway, ask him about it. You have nothing to lose.
If I told you their name you’d probably know it. They do lots of sci-fi and fantasy stuff. Store shelves are packed with their books. Yes, they release a lot of crap but at least they release A LOT!
Wait… I found them! Tor Publishing. Here’s the relevant link: http://us.macmillan.com/Content.aspx?publisher=torforge&id=255#ctl00_cphContent_ctl30_lblQuestion
Again, you have nothing to lose but some time to put your submission together!
FWIW:
For various good reasons I’ve never worked at one job for more than 9 & 1/2 years (maybe about to challenge the record, or not). In my last job, the job itself changed dramatically about a year before I left; we had a new manager that changed the org chart & everyone’s area of responsibility about every 3 weeks for several months. It was pretty wierd. After a lot of pain & soul searching in 2000 I decided I could live with the job scope I ended up with until retirement. Someone pointed out a job opening about 100 miles from where I grew up (my parents lived in the town where I grew up). I applied, thinking that worst case I could go home & see the folks. I didn’t really think the org would match current salary & I couldn’t afford a cut. During the interview I began to see lots of possiblities & before the day was out, I wanted the job. They offered me a few hundred dollars a year more than the previous salary & I took it. There have been ups & downs, but overall I accompished 90% of what I wanted to do when I walked in the door, and my kids got to spend a lot of time with thier grandparents. My mother died about a year & 1/2 after we got here, so the face-time was pretty major — who knew? My boss has been very supoprtive, hands off, and great in keeping the flack down.
Now in 2009, my boss is changing jobs & I expect things to get tumultous here. I can live with it if I have to, but some potential for interesting employment has been coming in (I haven’t been looking, but part of my current set of responsibilites includes helping others get placed) — no real pressure to move on, but…And 2 weeks ago, a similar org has an opening for a similar job (slighty more pay, a lot more resources to do the job) and asked me to apply.
Whatever happens happens, but CC’s cynicism aside, but — at the risk of sounding sanctimonious — I believe being content with your circumstances and open to possiblities allows God to work in ways that we don’t usually (mabye never will) have the ability to understand. That probably sounds like I think I’m some kind of saint; I’m not where I need to be in my relationship with God, and it has gotten worse since I’ve been here. I don’t think God is going to swat me for it, and I don’t think I lose every grace from God because of it. I think this is just one gift I get whether I deserve it or not.
Kevin: We did submit to Tor. About four years ago. No response, not even an acknowledgment.
They’re one of the few publishing houses left that actually still publishes from the slush pile, or says they do, and even they apparently can’t respond anymore with even an “MS received, sorry, not interested” even if you wait a few years.
We were actually kind of reluctant on Tor, by the way, as we really don’t see our book as genre fiction; it’s technically science fiction, although that doesn’t even become apparent until (unfinished, unpublished) book 2. The book wasn’t intended as genre fiction, which puts yet another strike against it: literary fiction is *extremely* difficult to push, everyone wants a convenient genre slot to put your work into and this book doesn’t fit easily into any of them.
We actually were kind of giving up when we submitted to Tor–no insult to them, they’re a fine science fiction and fantasy house who could handle a book like this just fine–but it went nowhere. Again, not even a response after years of waiting.
You know, rejection is one thing, but being utterly ignored by everyone you submit to is a different thing. If we’d been getting rejection letters we would have been able to ask why and used those rejections to either re-tailor the work, re-tailor the pitch, or both. We had all kinds of people, including English teachers and whatnot, telling us the book was extremely well-written and eminently publishable, but when you can’t get someone to even listen to your pitch and just say “no,” you get the hint that there’s something more going on here than just the usual frustrations you hear about. Read what the market is really like here in the 2000s, and it becomes apparent that much of the old advice just doesn’t apply: work hard, toil in frustration, face rejection and just keep working even if you get turned down, etc. really is 1990s-and-earlier advice. It now appears that in fiction publishing, you simply will not get your manuscript even looked at under any circumstances unless you are *very* well connected, or are basically willing to start writing genre fiction tailored specifically to whatever is currently selling on the market. Telling an unusual tale that’s hard to fit in any genre is pretty much a death sentence.
If I wanted to write Star Wars books or Romance novels I could probably get published with a few years of hard work. I don’t look down on those things, but that’s not what I want to do.
Dean:
I have previously tried to publish a board game and a how to book.
I have a file full of rejection letters, so at least both were looked at.
The game was considered “too complex” and the book was considered to have too limited of an audience (it was a book on tying flies to catch largemouth and smallmouth bass). This was 25 years ago though. I have no idea if I’d even get a response now.
Actually I should dig out that book of bass flies and rethink it. Fly fishing for bass has boomed in the last decade, and there are some pretty good patterns in that book. Plus it’s a book that fits the Publish On Demand niche very well. Hmm…. I wonder if I can even find the files now… they were all done on a Mac, and I haven’t had a Mac for years…
The book I am writing now is, perhaps unfortunately, something like yours. It doesn’t exactly fit any genre I know of, and there is a twist planned for book 3 that would actually shift genres. I’m not even sure how a publishing house or bookstore would even deal with that.
I know a guy who went with a Publish On Demand option and listed the book on Amazon.com. He has not sold much, but he said he learned a lot and expects his second book to be more successful because of what he learned.
I purchased his book mostly to see what a PoD book looks like. I am a bit disappointed frankly. The book clearly needed some proofreading and the quality of the binding and cover is not what I would want for a book of mine. The cover art is printed on a piece of plastic that is glued to the card stock, and it is already starting to peel off. I can’t say I’m real impressed with PoD.
Self-publishing is a real option. I have done some research and it looks like I could probably produce printed, bound, covered paperback books for about $5 per copy. But it’s a pretty manual intensive process and if it actually took off, I might end up with a problem keeping up with demand.
But all of this is moot if I don’t finish the dang book….
Dean, did you hire a copywriter? A “book doctor?” a proofreader? A cover artist? etc….
Kevin,
I’m not a Christian, I’m one of those annoying people who say they’re spiritual, which means, in my case anyway, people who believe more along the lines of what Wayne W. Dyer writes about. And that’s on a good day. There are plenty of other days that I’m an agnostic and even some where I’m an atheist. Basically, I don’t assume that I know anything that I can’t possibly know with complete certainty. None of us really know what form the “man behind the curtain” really takes or if he’s even there. But I keep an open mind about it.
That being said, I think, IMHO, that you’ve taken a step in the right direction in the sense that you believe that what God wants for you is not necessarily what you want for you. I definitely believe that letting go of the steering wheel and seeing where the car takes you is something we all need to do. I think if you do that with your life, you might be surprised to find that you end up where you want to be anyway. You just get there by a different road. It might be a far more winding road that takes you way out of the way but you have to be patient. In fact, I believe, that that is the whole point!
I’m going to briefly relate a life-changing event I’ve experienced and continue to experience.
I’ve spent my life from my teen years to the present pursuing screenwriting and filmmaking. And though I’ve had some accomplishments – I wrote and directed a nearly unwatchable 16mm horror film in the ‘80’s and made a couple decent award-winning short films in the ‘90’s – I’d failed to achieve my dreams of becoming a working writer/director. In fact, by the time I was in my early forties, I was basically penniless and bouncing from apartment to apartment living like a college kid. I didn’t have a family (which I’d certainly liked to have had) nor had I had any successful relationships that could’ve even hoped to lead to a family.
And then to add insult to injury (probably more like injury to insult), on my 44th Birthday in 2004, my appendix burst and I nearly died on the operating table.
The following week was a blur of morphine and antibiotics as I lay in a hospital bed with so many tubes and instruments attached to me I didn’t know where I ended and they began. I spent days staring at the wall and assessing my life. And I concluded that I was basically a failure.
As I thought back on my life, I made a decision of how I was going to live my life from that moment on. It was a life-changing decision. I decided I was going to surrender control of my life to whatever forces there might be in the universe. I was no longer going to try to force something to happen; no longer going to try to force success. I decided that whatever tomorrow brings is fine by me. It would be perfect no matter what it is. A winning lottery ticket was the same to me as death in car-crash. And I was perfectly fine with either. Whatever was going to happen could happen and I wasn’t going to sweat it or worry about it anymore. Ever.
Once I made that decision it seemed like something amazing happened. I felt euphoric. It’s a though I could feel the “burden of life” dissipate away and I felt more content than I’d ever felt before in my adult life. And I had a sense that I’d finally “got it!” That I understood how I was supposed to live. Was what I felt real? Or was it the result of a morphine-addled brain? I don’t know. What I do know is that the changes in my life that came after that are beyond amazing.
Within 6 months, and against all odds, I bought a house. Six months after that I was hired to edit a feature film. Six months after that I was overseeing the post-production of that feature at Universal Studios. Six months after that I was writing a screenplay. Six months after that the money necessary to produce the screenplay seemed to appear by magic and we hired the crew and the Hollywood cast necessary to make the film. A year after that we screened the film at a festival where I met the most wonderful woman. We started dating and are still together. A year after that, the film sold to Showtime, The Movie Channel, and 20th Century Fox. It will be released on DVD this August. And though I’m not rich (yet), I’m living off the money I’ve made from the film. And in this economy, that says a lot.
The film has given me other unexpected opportunities. It led to my being hired as an adjunct professor at a local university. And considering I didn’t have a college degree that was a very unexpected job offer.
In the last 18 months I’ve written four “work for hire” screenplays. The pay’s not great (yet) but it is a relatively steady source of income.
I’m also working on the screenplay for my next film which my producer hopes to have the money for by next year.
The point of all of this is that I believe there is a time and place for everything and that we really can’t “make” something happen. All we can do is be prepared for when it does. What I didn’t realize when I was laying in the hospital bed was though I viewed my life as a series of failures; it was those “failures” that honed my skills and prepared me for writing and directing an entertaining and marketable film.
Keep plugging away at writing. Not just Kevin, but all of you; Dean, CC, all of you! Kevin, it doesn’t matter that your writing comes and goes in spurts; you keep writing just the same. And you do have finished work. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe you posted an entire screenplay some time ago. Dean, it doesn’t matter that you never heard back from Tor or any other publisher. You wrote a book!!!! That’s a remarkable accomplishment! And you’ll write another one… and another one! CC, it doesn’t matter that you’ve written some instructional books that were never published. You, too, wrote a book or books. And you’re 4/5ths the way through writing a fiction book. Another amazing accomplishment!
I’m not at liberty to mention the budget of my current feature film, but I can tell you what my ‘80’s feature cost me. It was $50K which is almost no money to make a movie, that is if you shoot it in film as opposed to video anyway. Which is what I did. And I lost every bit of that money. And I had a distributor tell me, and I quote, “You can’t write, produce, direct or edit. You have no business being in this business.” Was I discouraged? You betcha! Did I quit? No I didn’t! I kept plugging away at it!
That distributor told me that in 1991. Eighteen years later, he’s completely out of the business and I sold a feature film to 20th Century Fox!
Don’t let discouraging words dissuade you. But also DON’T DISCOURAGE YOURSELF because it isn’t happening as fast as you’d like. You can’t force it. It has to come in its own time.
Keep at it, guys. Whether it’s rejection slips, or being completely ignored by a publisher, or self-publishing, or taking jobs you don’t like because you can’t make a living as a writer, just keep at it.
You can’t force it to happen any more than you can make tomorrow get here any faster than it’s going to get here. All you can do is hone your skills, practice your craft, keep getting up after being knocked down, and be prepared when the door opens.
And when it does… don’t be afraid to walk through it. Just stay centered and everything will be all right. Trust me.
Take care now.
Good story, Jake — Thanks for sharing. :)
Jack,
Thanks for sharing. It’s a great story.
Maybe a semi-autobiographical movie? Hmmmm?
I get half credit and points on the back end!
Wow, that’s a hekuva story, Snyder! Love the sentiment.
Myself, I haven’t been in the doldrums lately — still tall, handsome, rich:)
But, yes, writing and completing a book at any level is a wonderful achievement, so get to it, boys.
–HB
Jack pretty much said it all, but I just happened to come across a neat quote in a Dean Koontz novel:
“It doesn’t matter if you win or lose, as long as you stay in the game.”
Been thinking about that one most of the day.
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