At this link there is an excerpt from the novel Methuselah’s Daughter: Warrior. Calling it an ‘excerpt’ is a little pretentious because while we have the plot lines and characters all figured out the actual writing action has been minimal to say the least. Dean and I are both pretty pumped about this sequel, but neither of us are really in a position to spend lots of time writing it, so instead we have some bits and pieces and some good outlines and ideas. So to hell with it. Whenever there’s something we like, it’s going up here.
For those few of you who were fans of the original blog and may have even read the first novel (bless you), the story has been moved more than a thousand years into the future and our girl is a Gunnery Sergeant in His Majesty’s Imperial Marine Corps, an organization she has belonged to for a very, very long time…
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God that was fun to write. Felt really good, too.
Man, I hate to admit this, but my name is a pain in the ass. I LOVE the ego stroke. But trying to read it for its own sake, not as an excercise in self-aggrandizement, I’m forced to admit that “Cpl Aziz” would really serve your text so much better. My name is just too wierd for the scene, especially since its a complex scene to begin with. Its like watching a scne in LOTR with all sorts of perfectlt rendered effects and sudden;y seeing Frodo at human size because the camera guy forgot to use the right angle.
My grudging conclusion is that Cpl Poonawalla has got to go. Change it to Cpl Aziz and your readers will thank you for it.
Think you’re just too self-conscious? I always liked that name, and no not just because of you. Although in combat I’d expect it to get shortened to Poonwalla (no “a” after the first syllable) or just plain ‘Poon or ‘Walla.
“Poon”, definitely “Poon.” For combat nicknames you want hard consonants and a single syllable. “Walla” is just to wobbly.
We’ll take it under advisement, Aziz, but I won’t even begin to go into all the back and forth that went into the simple decision to actually give these people NAMES at all. In the first novel Dean insisted, and in the end I have to agree he was correct, that no character who did not appear repeatedly or did not substantially move the entire narrative forward would get a name. For my part I know the family history and life story of every last bit-player in every scene of every chapter.
So you can imagine his reaction when the rough draft of this appeared before him and there were all these NAMES! In the end there simply was no way to avoid them in this specific scene.
Easily an hour-long conversation.
Crikey, we’re nuts aren’t we John?
i cant be that self-conscious, since I am a blogger after all :) but CC has it right – its just odd to think that military types would bother enunciating all teh syllables, esp in a combat situation.
Though, I *hate* Poon. Ever since watching Fletch. The better name would be Poona (which is the actual city in India my name is a reference to). Cpl Poona or Cpl Aziz – either one would be less jarring (half the syllables)
“Aziz” could work, I could see a grunt hollering “AZIIIIIZZZ!!!” across the battlefield. But not “WAAALLLLAAAAAA!!!” Especially pronounced “AhSSSEEEEEEEZZZZZZ!!!”
“Hey CPl Poona” actually souunds petty good to me – “Poona on deck!” “Poona ran the corridor” “Poona dropped like a lead balloon”
Definitely not “Poon”. Sounds like a shortening of something that ends with the name of an 1960′s orange flavored space drink. How much do you want the Cpl to be teased, huh? “Poona” is OK.
Yours,
Tom
Any nickname can be turned into ridicule if the target deserves it. How the nickname is used is a reflection of how much respect the target has earned. If “Poon” is a rough, tough bastard, believe me, nobody is going to be calling him Poontang. I don’t recall anyone calling Sylvester Stallone “Rambone”.
Actually, CC, that adds some possible plot points, doesn’t it?
Yours,
Tom
i suspect Cpl Poona has a tough exterior, but on the inside likes to watch Nora Ephrom films and write poetry. Basically, average out his extremes and you get… me.
> i suspect Cpl Poona has a tough exterior
If Cpl Poona is part of His Majesty’s Imperial Marine Corps, he better have a tough interior or he’s going have major PTSD issues.
By which I mean to say that liking Nora Ephrom films, writing poetry, weeping copiously when you are sad, and for that matter a tender heart go together very well with a tough interior. Sounds like an ideal combination to me. I get the impression, for example, that Nora Ephrom has a tough interior. And frankly, Aziz, given this tough post I think you may have a tough interior to go with your tender heart.
Yours,
Tom, aka Wince
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